The ultimate romantic image that many people have of relationships is of they and their Partners needing each other and not being able to bear to be apart. Each being a different side of the same coin or a half of something better. Out of the six billion individuals on this planet, their Partner is the only one who can complete them. So millions of people go on a quest to find their Soul-mate, their Mr/Miss Right.

The central problem to this basis of need for a relationship is what happens when for one reason or another the other side cannot fulfil it. You’ll begin to feel as if you are lacking or deprived. This frightens you, as you do not feel sufficiently complete alone. Fear turns into frustration at your self-imposed limitations… then to anger and eventually resentment at being made to feel weak and insecure.

If this cycle happens often enough it may make you begin to look around for other options to fill your need that is created through your perceived lack.

On the other hand approaching relationships knowing you are in yourself complete and without need for another to compensate and balance you…changes the relationship’s basis.

Now you are not with someone out of the need to be made whole… but simply because you enjoy and prefer being with them.

This removes the pressure of trying to change your Partner in order to ensure they supply that which you believe you lack. Since both sides are more relaxed, there is more leeway for each to express themselves. It’s like the difference between a car tyre with no tread and one with a deep tread. There is a reserve… a margin for error… more room for friction without it seeming to be a matter of life or death for the relationship.

Choosing your Partner goes beyond need. Think of the difference in the way that you shop for necessities and luxuries. When you need milk, bread or sugar, it doesn’t really matter if your preferred brand (if you have one) is out of stock. You just take whatever they have because you need it.

Contrast this with shopping for a high end car, holiday or designer dress. You won’t take just anything… it has to be the one you want… the one that is right for you. You’re prepared to wait, look around, be patient and discriminate in your investment.

It’s the same difference between choosing and needing a Partner or a relationship.