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32 Principles That Lead To Happiness

How Did We Get So Messed Up?

Use This Book For Continual Evolution

Using The Life Audit

Overcoming Stress And Anxiety

Pain Or Misery

The Key To Effective Problem Solving

This feeling of resentment in relationships creates that same balloon we spoke about earlier between you and your Partner. The longer it stays there, the more distance, bitterness and unhappiness you will experience with your Partner.

The Economic Mindset is particularly destructive in personal relationships. First of all, before the couple even get together it has set up a fairytale image of romance. Then boy meets girl and they fall in love. Sooner or later the novelty of the relationships fades. Probably one or two issues have by now come between them.

Meanwhile both individuals are still receiving the images through newspapers, magazines, people they see, TV programs and films of the ideal Partner.

Now the media exists to sell products. There is no other reason. Sure they inform and entertain, but they are businesses. And they make money from advertising. So the information and entertaining is there for the purpose of distracting audiences so they can sell them things.

There are different types of advertising, but one of the most prevalent is aspirational. This is where the man wears a certain deodorant and suddenly women start throwing themselves at him. Or the car that gives you instant respect.

We take in all these images. Lots of people say to this, ‘ Yes, but I don’t pay attention to adverts’. Studies show that even when people think that advertising doesn’t influence them, it does. If it didn’t companies wouldn’t spend the millions that they do.

We make sense of the world by putting together everything we see and hear and coming up with our own interpretation of how things work.

This is very important as it creates resentment in relationships.

Why?

Because in our head we hold two images of our Partner. What they should be and what they are.

What they should be is based on all the examples we see of Husband’s and Wives around us. As an example here’s how a woman (And, yes of course men will use a similar process) might use images as a benchmark for her relationship…

• the Neighbour’s husband bringing home flowers

• the Friend being whisked away for a romantic weekend

• the charismatic lead in the film we saw last week

• a Colleagues humour and caring

• the physique of the man you see at your gym

• the wealth and power of someone else

• the dress sense of another

• the intelligence of another

• another who is nurturing

and if you add up the total of all the best of all these images, this is the total value of men to our fictional woman. Now this represents 100% of her ideal Husband/Partner.

Now she’ll have some kind of idea of how much she believes she deserves. Now she’ll rate herself in terms of her self-image. Specifically she may use;

• How attractive she perceives herself to be

• Her housework abilities and effort

• Her personal qualities that you bring to the relationship

• Her intelligence level

• And so on.

Each of use has our own unique images of potential partners and what we deserve. So when you are assessing a potential partner you may unconsciously think, I’m worth about 60% of my ideal picture.

Then once you have begun the relationship initially you show the best side of each other. Not just that, but you will also tend to look for at the more positive features of the other.

In time the relationship settles down. Both put less effort in, because they get distracted by other things and also because they feel less need to. Each is more comfortable with the other.

It’s now that words, thoughts and actions will start to pass unresolved between the couple. This creates that balloon. The longer between resolution, the more distanced they become.

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