I had to write. I read your answer to thewoman who’s been dating a man for 2 years. I couldn’t agree with you more.
Although a divorce might make her happyit is not the answer? You explained it magnificently?
Bravo!
Debi
Your information is veryhelpful? I have broken up with my pessimistic, sarcastic, angry, jealous,possessive, controlling, unhappy boyfriend and I returned to being the positive,motivated, joyful bursting with energy for life again woman that I used to be before him?
I’ve got self-respect for me now than ever!!! I should ended it sooner than 2 years and 8months, but at least I had the courage to end it!!!
Joyfully,
Carol
I think that this is the best info that anyone has come up with, as it is not only unlawful, but it is also the way things are in the real world.
I agree that this guy needs to make up his mind. You can not have both, one or the other. That is the way it is, nomore needs to be said. I feel that it is financial reasons and not wanting to hurt another that has brought him to this point.
She is right in feeling the way that she does, although, she knew he was married, so why did she get involved? Both parties are suffering, she needs to tell him to get a life with someone that does not care. She does not need the heartache.
Cindi
A few aspects of herindecision are being totally overlooked. One is HER motive. She quickly mentionsthat he offers to take care of her if they live together. Is her directive oneof companionship or security?
Perhaps she wants her cake and eat it too….I don’t think her dilemma is whether or not she can accept living with a married man, or if she is capable of loving unconditionally- rather it is her fear of what she will be deprived of if she sticks to her definition of moral fiber.
Lee
A lot of what makes us feel good about ourselves has to do with how we assess our own actions against what rules we have chosen to adopt and value.
Maybe this man believes that “marriage” is forever. Maybe the woman believes that can only be with an unmarried man. If he hasn’t lived with her for 15 years he hasnt really been in a marriage relationship.
He may see it as a piece of paper but his new lady sees it symbolically connecting him to another woman and this feeds her insecurity. Its a valid point. People in relationship need security that’s why they seek relationship.
He has a ‘relationship’ with his ‘ex’ and a new one with the new lady. She wants exclusivity of relationship but feels that a legal arrangement interferes with that. And legally there would be issues.
Is it about money?
If he divorced the woman there would haveto be settlement and all the emotional trauma that goes with that.
Maybe he doesn’t like to inflict this trauma on his ex.
Would he ever marry again?
Does the new lady want marriage?
If she just wants relationship she’s got it already. The piece of paper is a psychological impediment to the exclusivity she seeks. We are not free to do what our hearts desire because our heads talk adifferent language and that language is often legal and moral.
Very few people are able to successfully live outside the the conceptual frameworks of their society.
Is he a potential bigamist or an adulterer.
Is she a homewrecker or a wannabe homemaker?
I wonder if they have had these thoughts.It would be good if they had this discussion. Talk it out from the shadowy recesses where those unspoken thoughts lurk. Bring light to the unknown and see what’s there and any fear is the unknown fear in any remaining darkness.
John
