Live Without Conflict

In the President’s Boardroom all was quiet. The Advisors had all had their say. Overwhelmingly the majority had argued to initiate a war. A war they said was necessary to preserve their cultural way of life…

photo credit: ianmalcm

Rosie looked longingly at the cake. But then the voice popped into her head the voice of her diet conscience. “You don’t want to ruin all your hard work, by eating one lousy cake”…

photo credit: VirtualErn

“Get up to your room. You’re grounded.” It was another normal day in the Brown household. Another day of rowing. Another day of battling and endless conflict.

photo credit: revjim5000

Three different situation. Three different forms of the endless, life-draining stress that we all experience. Yet all have in common one factor. The factor that is the common denominator behind all stress.

Conflict.

All forms of stress are literally a tearing of your being. It is as if your mind, your body or your spirit is a battleground experiencing a war. Let’s use the three scenarios above as examples.

In the first case the conflict was between nations. The most obvious form of conflict, National, Societal or Cultural. Here the world is torn apart by differing viewpoints. Nation’s borders may be moved. Cultures may be lost and people uprooted. In this type of conflict we can see the costs most vividly.

photo credit: Andrew Stawarz

The second case is much more subtle. Yet still Rosie is being torn mentally between conflicting desires. This inner conflict is all about a lack of clarity. It’s often said that as humans we use only a fraction of our ability and potential. It is energy wasted on conflict that dissipates the large majority of our potential.

The third type of conflict is Interpersonal. This can have the effects of either of the other forms. I’m sure you have experienced the pain and torment that can come from being at conflict with others.

Imagine what life would be like without conflict. There would be no wars, no confusion or stress and no emotional trauma.

photo credit: hyperscholar

But guess what. There’d be no progress, no creativity, no purpose and no vitality to life.

You see conflict happens when someone, or a different part of you, says “hey, let’s do something new.” Newness, evolution, progress, expansion, development these are just the observable expression of the energy of Life. Without them everyday would be the same. We would be fully formed with nothing new to look forward to or strive for.

So the problem isn’t really conflict. It’s the toxic emotional reaction we get from conflict.

The pain we feel from conflict is the tearing of the past from the present. Internally, it’s having a new desire, but not yet being emotionally ready to let the old habits go. Interpersonally, it’s being confronted with a behaviour that we aren’t ready to deal with. Socially it’s being confronted by progress we are not ready to accept.

Underpinning all conflict is fear. Fear in the form of self-interest. Fear in the form of being pushed out of my comfort zone. Or fear that something is wrong or dangerous.

Yet all are mistaken. You see it comes down to this simple truth.

Life just is…

We try to take each living, flowing moment and categorise it. So that we can fit it into our little mental map and dictionary of how life is. Life will never fit into our definitions, categorisations or doctrines. Anymore than a person can be limited and constrained to fit a personality profile. And so it will show us the flaws in our thinking.

The conflict that we then feel at this demonstration is a measure of how resistant we are to giving up our misguided thoughts and accepting the truth Life shows us.

Really conflict is a call to rise above mediocre understandings and solutions and find the grandest truth that we are capable of knowing right now.

When two people (or two nations or two ideas) come into conflict, both are like the raw block of stone that a Master Sculptor begins with. Both have at their core the seed of truth. Both also have a lot of wasteful, misguided thoughts. The process of reconciling differences can be akin to the Great Sculptor at work. The surplus waste being shaved away to reveal a work of art.

photo credit: Paleontour

This work of art can be a personal breakthrough that will build the foundations for greater happiness and fulfillment. Or it can be the development of a new way of governing and administering a country. It can be the basis for a new product doubling a business’s profits. It can be a new bond and understanding that brings about a more loving relationship.

Regardless of the form it comes in, conflict is the sign that you have two chemicals coming together that if mixed together in the optimum blend and dosage could result in an innately more valuable and more potent creation. Get it wrong though and you’ll have an almighty explosion blow up in your face.

This is the most valuable alchemy possible. It’s the alchemy of life.

Now you’ve read this far, so I’m going to make a couple of assumptions about you.

1.  You too are on this same journey in life to learn how to minimise and peacefully resolve conflict.

You are interested in achieving spiritual and personal growth.

If this is the case then you’re probably going to be very interested in this site. In fact it could just be the thing you’ve been looking for without realising it.

Perhaps like you, I’ve spent many years of study, thought and contemplation. I’ve worked with people as a Coach, I wrote a book on happiness, I’ve studied Psychology and Spirituality. Recently though, a few things clicked together in my mind and one observation struck me like a thunderbolt between the eyes…

That the the achievement of spiritual growth was down to one simple act. To prevent or peacefully resolve conflict.

This doesn’t mean sacrificing or ‘giving in’ to others. That is just substituting internal conflict for interpersonal conflict.

Now I’m not suggesting that this single observation is the answer to life, the universe and everything, but it has had a profound effect on organising my view of life. It has provided me with a focal point, a sound path to channel my energies for effective personal and spiritual growth. And that is why I decided to build this site.

To promote this idea and find other people, maybe like you, who can bring their thoughts and experiences to the table and together work towards a more comprehensive and enlightened philosophy that makes life easier and more enjoyable.

If this sounds like your kind of thing, just sign up below.