Some people we can get along with easily. We meet them and we just click. They understand what we say, they can finish our sentences and vice versa. They’re just on the same wavelength. They are fun to be around because they validate our self-concept, our ego and give us a boost. In short they’re a pleasure to be around.
Others though are a challenge. Maybe they’re more gruff, more prickly, more cantankerous. They do not stroke our ego, they attack it. It’s not rewarding to be around them…
unless we rearrange our ego.
Contrarily this makes them ultimately more rewarding to be around. Because to get along with them we have to grow. We have to grow to understand them. We have to grow to get past our petty sensitivities. In other words the barrier between us liking them is in our ego. And so they make us get over ourselves.
So we have the people we like as we are, but will often reinforce our ego, and so maintain us at the level of evolution we’re at. They give us a momentary boost because they make us feel good about ourself.
Then we have the grouchy pests who bug us, but provoke us to grow and so live at more evolved levels. Ultimately these are responsible for us reaching higher levels of happiness.
Next time you come across someone you don’t immediately bond with, remember it might be worth taking the time to break down those barriers. Or all you’ll be left with is the low hanging fruit.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I so know what you mean their are books published addressing this subject on ‘ How to deal with difficult people” well I do ok but Im thinking get lost annoying one is in my mind at the time of thir annoyance. I have had a co-orkr actually call me stupid which Im not but he was being a jerk of course in the long-run I got layed off for saying anything to the boss because of his insult I lose my job how just is that to lose ones job?
I appreciate your text on this. I'm attracted to someone who is difficult and i will never understand properly. This makes things very hard as i don't just want to move on to other people, yet, rather try to get to know him better, which is not easy, at all. It does question my self-confidence a lot. Also, for this reason i have learned that i need to be happy with what i am, and cannot base my happiness to other people, as i'd just be on a roller-coaster-ride all the time. I can only give freedom -
This makes me think of something the Dalai Lama said in conversation with artist/ musician Laurie Anderson: "Your worst enemies are your best friends because they teach you things."
Too true, but I find it particularly hard when the "learning experience" comes from an "apparently random" act by a stranger — not an acquaintance, colleague, friend or family member.
I must have been very tired when I wrote the above statement. I tend to stay up late and respond when i shouldnt respond. Your right I reread what i said I did sound stupid. anyways what i was trying to say is one of my co-workers insulted me and I was layed off from the job because onwer got complaints about me. The complaints were I was she didnt talk to me so i dont like her I was busy and was in anouther room I am shy so for me to start conversations is not my nature so some of the men in the company didnt like me because I didnt go talk to them and try to get to know them. I was layed off due to me not being friends with everyone which is stupid. I always put more than 100% percent into any position I held but I really didnt care to lose the job they didnt pay enough for me being office manager.
i need more time, should think more and find out what i want and what should i do.
It felt like it was an instantaneous shift in me when one day to my surprise I was extremely nice on the phone with one of those phone operators in a large company who was dealing with a concern of mine regarding their product. Instead of taking what she said to heart, or personally, my insides did a kind of flip and I heard myself saying to her " You've been really helpful and I appreciate your time today." The tone in her voice was different when she heard me say this. She softened and I felt a huge surge of satisfaction in myself! For me the key is to not take it personally. I then can stay true to how I really want to handle the situation – what suits me best? Then I make sure I deliver my communication with a loving attitude, as this really tickles me when I manage to do that!!
Rachel,
There are two sides to every story and I believe in due process. Here is a hint, however………..proofread, or ask someone to do it for you.