Time Heals: The Grieving Process

One of the most common phrases people say to others in some form of grief is, ‘time heals’ or ‘it takes time’. It usually does, but time is not the healer. There is a certain process that has to be gone through in order to move things from being painful to being accepted. And this also relates to living with more integrity, being happier and changing a habit.

Some people can get through this process much quicker than others. And so can you. It all depends on 2 things.

1. How effective your process for dealing with change and loss is.

2. The velocity of your life.

There is a process to everything. A certain sequence of events that have to happen before you let something go. Some people have it down so effectively that it’s just like stepping on an escalator and waiting as it passes through the stages. For some it’s like being stuck at the bottom of a deep well, without ladders or steps. Every inch they claw up by their nails is another painful exertion.

The velocity of life is a term I use to mean how much experience you pack into your life. Say someone has been stuck in a cell with little contact or stimulation. They are going to have a much lower velocity of experience than most.

It’s relevant because the process you have to go through, needs certain situations and experiences to move onto the next stage.

The process determines how many stages, experiences and situations you need. The velocity of your life determines how long it will take for them to happen.

Comments

  1. 1

    KG says

    It is interesting I got this post today in my email inbox…my ex and I have been broken up for about a year and half and the pain seems to get worse not better. I ran into him with his new boyfriend this past weekend and it just about killed me. So I don’t think time heals everything — because the more time passes the more I miss the life that I had that was taken from me (the break-up was not my choice) and I wonder everyday when does the pain end..and why can he move on so fast from me? And I wonder how you can walk away from someone you say you love…I suffer fdrom depression and I went through a bad breakdown through most of 2006 and he broke up with me over it saying pretty much he couldn’t live like that. So I feel totally robbed of my happiness because of a disease I have.

  2. 2

    boitshepo says

    i was very glad after seeing this post because few days ago a my heart was broken into pieces and i remember telling someone that time is the best healer.i got motivated and i do believe that is true time heals.

  3. 3

    Cindy says

    I think it was very interesting that you mentioned that time was NOT the healer, but that the things that happened in the interim were! I had not thought of that before, and it made me realize that if you have a “void” of happiness, that void or emptiness needs to be filled back with good things to strive to get it back. I mean truly happy things (whatever that may be to the individual). It almost sounds like a law of physics. This may sound really superficial, but I think even “acting” happy may have its benefits. I wonder if we get into a habit of foul thinking, and it must be changed or corrected just as alcoholism. When we combine actions with thoughts, its seems to be learned much quicker (in my experience).

  4. 4

    says

    I also agree that time is the factor in healing, and that its coming to terms with the changes and not living the pain again and again, that makes the difference in how you feel

    As someone who works with trauma every day, I let my clients talk through the traumas they have suffered, and a lot of them have lost relationhips, families, etc but we always move on in time, and that comes from taking away the power that the trauma had

    Steve

  5. 5

    nancy timms says

    It’s true time does not heal. What’s true is what we do in the time of moving on. When we get up in the morning and pick ourselves up and say this is a new day in my life. Why do some people move on faster then others? Because deep inside they knew this was the right path and there is relief from moving on. To now know they have the freedom to be again who they really are and not to have to be someone else that they were never comfortable with. A very big mistake that so many of us fall into.
    The lesson is to be true to our selves and not let someone try to change this. Because in the end, they do not change for you, but to only to create something for them, at a very high price for you.

    Nancy

  6. 6

    Maggie says

    I am overwhelmed with what you just wrote as it completely tells me what’s on my mind… true, indeed .. i’m one of those people who can easily seem to recover from any situation. I would feel the grief and would really be sad about what had happened and what had i lost .. but it will only take me little time to recover.. as i always think that this i what the reality is and the sooner i deal with it the better. I have always this thought that you can only do so much and some things are really beyond our control .. from there I can move on easily with my life and able to adapt to the changes that life presents to me, elarning from the mistakes of the past but not necessarily dwelling from it.

  7. 7

    Sereena says

    I dont believe TIME HEALS… that is an unconscious response to justify that we are not going to look at the emotions as of now, but at a later stage; it is postponement. Tomorrow never comes; whenever it came, it was today!

    The true power is only in the NOW; if we are facing with a problem NOW, we are to deal with it in the NOW… no one lives on one emotion till that specific process is over; there is always interruptions… it is upto us to access and release those heavily held-back emotions and release them to make ourselves feel light… each kind of healing has its own path and it also differs with individuals how they deal with it…

    some dont look at it thinking it will go away… this will cause some emotional distress and physical conditions due to blocked energy… mind can also badly get affected in the process of postponing… the earlier we release our emotional debris from withion our field of being/existence, the more open we are to vibrant flow of life every moment… it is simple, as simple as this that we decide on this mission for ourselves with INTEND; but it is not easy, especially for a sensing personality…

    time might keep the memory buried deep down in the unconscious, so that it doesnt peep out very often… when the triggers/circumstances that light up those memeories show up, here we are… so lost to this event and the whole gambit of emotions… dare we catch ourselves doing so? and watch how we do it, being so brutally honest about it all?

    we can; each one of us can.. but WILL WE? obviously not… so, we may need to look at why we dont do what we dont do! what if we did what we usually dont do? it will open up a closed door within… what is in the closet is often scary for most of us… it is the power within us that we are mostly afraid of, not what we lack… thus, we sleep to ourselves and the true essence within… giving it all away to time, healers, doctors, and whoever we can find outside ourselves…

    Sereena.

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