Rob i’ve been reading your emails for quite some time now and have found them very insightful.
I am truly stuck though with such a painful situation it’s just beyond me. I was publicly accused of sexual assault a woman I made the mistake of dating in Canada. where I have been living for a few years. She actually sent a strategically sent email to 5 key people in my life to tell them I was unsafe to be around and that I did things that I DID NOT DO.
As I result my name was ruined in the community and not a single person gave me the chance to tell them what actually happened. After sinking into a major depression I finally contacted the sexual assault centre to tell them what I was going through.
They told me that they know of this woman as she has done this sort of thing to another man. She has severe post-traumatic stress disorder due to childhood abuse and she actually believed the things she wrote in the email even though I did nothing to her.
The problem is that nobody knows this and it would breach client confidentiality for me to tell anyone,. So in the meantime she has ingratiated herself with the female activist community who all now regard me as a monster.
Just after I found this out my Mum was rushed to hospital with a brain aneurysm back in Australia. Given my life was ruined anyway I hopped on the first flight home a month ago. I’m staying in Australia while Mum is recovering.
The painful thing is that I’ve had no closure. Somebody emailed me the other day and told me that people are still speaking poorly of me (the email went out around xmas last year).
It’s just horrible to leave that behind. A couple of friends believed me, but so many people who don’t even know me have judged me.
I drafted a big long email to send to people, explaining my innocence and suggesting they contact the Sexual Assualt Centre to find out what she is going through, but my friend believes that will only look provocative, no matter how logical I sound.
I’m wondering if you have any insights into how to deal with this? I still can”t stop thinking about this even though I am on the other side of the world.
Part of me regrets leaving because I had stayed and just lived my life eventually people would realise that I’m a good person. On the other hand I already did that all of January and February.
My Thoughts
It’s a tough and horrible situation you are in. I think the saddest thing I find in life is the weakness and fickleness of people. It’s so rare to meet someone that is constant and true. It is something however that we all have to come to terms with eventually.
When I read about your situation I am reminded of Lao Tsu. He was in an almost identical situation to yours. He was cast out from his village when no-one believed a womans lies about him. He happily went off and lived in exile for some time, until eventually everyone discovered the truth.
You see, eventually the truth will come out. Lies can only last for so long. She’ll do it again. Or she’ll have a breakdown. But somehow it will change. Even convicted Rapists come out and get on with their lives after a while.
Now I understand how devastating this must be and how unfair it is. However, you have to disregard what other people think of you. Not just about this, but about everything.
Almost everything I write at the moment seems to be about ‘be in this world, but not of it’. But this is the key to your situation. How people think of you, your name and your reputation are all of this world. The world will always drag you down in one way or another. If you want to be happy and to be able to transcend these type of events you have to go beyond the things of this world, the ego and all that. You have to do, what you do, be what you are regardless of others.
As you do this, you’ll find that what other people say and do to you are relatively unimportant as compared to your inner life. Then you become immune to the slings and arrows of fate. This is where your happiness lays. And it outweighs millions of people saying great things about you.
So basically what I’m saying is, live your life in the best way you can. Don’t let this unsettle you. Because as you get unsettled you will become unstable and irrational and so will act how they expect someone who has done such a hing to act.
Behave with dignity and integrity. And in time people will see that you are someone who could not do what you have been accused of having done. Someone as unstable as she obviously is will topple soon enough and the truth will be revealed. But then you will no longer care anyway.
Now what do you think?
Share your comments and advice below.
